Hope In The Darkness: Depression (Part 1)

It's 2017!! A new year, a fresh start. New year resolutions are in full swing and there is a general sense (at least for the first month) to accomplish them and conquer what lies ahead in 2017. But in your little corner of the world no matter how hard you try to push yourself to get on board that train, you keep missing the ride and feel stuck.

Many years ago I sat on the top deck of a cruise ship taking in the warmth of the sunshine. It had been 5 years since my dad had passed away and my mom, sister, aunt and I were on a much needed vacation. My mom was talking with a woman next to her who was a Christian and the wife of a famous race car driver. And somehow in the conversation the woman shared part of her story and her battle with depression and how the Lord was giving her the tools to work through it with the right medication, encouragement from others, and His Word. As I listened in on their conversation I remember feeling surprised that she would be willing to admit and talk so freely about her battle with depression (specifically taking medication). That feeling was quickly followed by an overwhelming sense of relief and camaraderie with this woman.

A few months prior to that trip I had been diagnosed with depression. Ever since my dad's passing I had struggled with how to process and express feelings and emotions as well as trying to find a new normal and to some degree, identity. And the weight of that was taking a toll on me physically and mentally. I felt like I was missing the New Year's resolution train all year long and that life was speeding past me while I remained “stuck”.

With how I had been feeling and my symptoms of 9 out of 10 pointing to depression, the diagnosis was not a surprise to me. But I was struggling with how to deal with it. To go on medication or not? To talk about it or not? Who to talk about it with?

In the Christian culture and even in the world generally, depression at the time (and I believe still today) was a hush hush topic. Something not widely discussed/talked about because there were (and still are) so many misconceptions about it mixed with a lack of knowledge that led/leads to misunderstanding and hurtful assumptions.

Almost everyone has experienced a form of depression at some point in their lives whether for a short time, on and off (seasonal), or ongoing. It can be brought on by trauma, loss, illness, situational, loneliness, health issues, stress, etc. Depression is at an all time high and as this world and our bodies continue to decay around us, it will only continue.

So what would happen if we actually talked about the reality of how common it is?

What would happen if we actually talked openly about our struggles?

I believe we could find so much more daily encouragement from realizing how many others have been/are on the same journey.

I believe we would recognize that our hope is not found in being healed in this life necessarily, but about finding our hope in Jesus and the complete healing we will have in Heaven one day as our bodies and this world become the beauty they were originally intended to be.

When we believe in the Hope of healing in Heaven it takes the pressure off of trying to “fix” ourselves in this life, and when the pressure is taken off we can actually find rest in our future Hope. Then we can actually begin the journey of healing. It is every bit a journey, every facet of that word. It is a process and a yearly, monthly, weekly or daily reminder.

Ah but this is not lost on God. He knows, He sees exactly what tries to steal our joy. And He wants to walk with us where we are at!

The next few posts will focus on sharing my (Beth’s) personal journey with depression. The key word here: “my” journey. Recognizing that there are SO many different forms/levels of depression and so many different ways to work through it. But my hope is that you can find some encouragement, understanding, and/or camaraderie for you or someone you know in these next few posts. And that by openly sharing our challenges alongside our joys we can truly experience freedom.

-Beth

Hope In The Darkness (Part 2)

Hope in the Darkness
(Part 2)

“Healing the wound that leaves a scar”

“it's okay for you to be angry with God”. These were words whispered in my ear by a sweet older woman after our dad’s memorial service. To be honest, the only thing I was thinking in that moment was frustration toward her for suggesting how I could feel. Though she was genuinely trying to offer a lifeline, her timing was not the best, to say the least. However, looking back now I can pull out a much deeper meaning  behind her words.

Whether it's coming out of a tragedy, a painful situation, an addiction etc., year two seems to be the magic number when the weight of your pain sinks in. Year one is survival mode, trying to adjust to life right and left, or you're living on a “high” of constant support and encouragement from friends and family. Year two, however, is when everyone else moves on around you and assumes you have done the same. There is a new normal for you to get used to, and it can feel isolating and lonely as you watch life around you speed by while you feel stuck at a standstill, in the middle of a void.

If you have ever had a deep physical wound you realize that part of how well you heal determines how much of a scar remains behind. It looks different for everyone based on how deep their wound was, how their personal body reacts, and the time it takes to heal. The end result is a scar that tells a story of a moment in life, but it's not their whole story. This plays out in a similar way with scars that come from emotional wounds. How we process (or often times don't process them) affects how well we heal.

Everyone processes their emotions differently, and being a part of 5 siblings this definitely rang true for my family. So often we place everyone in the same place or time frame in their road to healing. This often leads to trying to cover up or ignore the pain because you feel like you're supposed to be over it. Or because of that emotional high we talked about earlier, which makes you think you have dealt with the pain, when really it has just been numbed for a time.  

I did not directly experience anger with God about losing my dad, but I know that some of my siblings did wrestle with this in their process to heal (remember everyone is different). For me, though, I wrestled more with frustration, asking God a lot of “why” questions, and a battle with fear and depression.

I started to realize years later that I needed to recognize and express the pain and feelings I was holding in, or I could not heal well.

Expressing our pain is vital on the path to healing. But we don't always do it well or in a healthy way. In the paragraphs to follow, we talk about a few of the helpful ways that we have experienced/are experiencing healing over the years.

You may have heard the phrase “time will heal your wounds.” While it's true that time (length is different for all) lessens the degree of pain you may continue to feel at any random time, it does not, however, take away the scar that remains. The scar will forever (and often times when you least expect it), remind you of a wound you once received.  But though that scar is part of you and tells the story of a wound, it does not need to define your life.

And yet it so easily can consume and define us or become an excuse for later struggles if we don't process our hurt in the midst so that we can begin to heal.

It's healthy and helpful to express all of our feelings to God. He wants to hear the good, bad and ugly of them (He can handle it all), because He truly does know and understand what's going on inside of us and our need to express it so we don't get stuck there. He wants us to come to Him so we can experience freedom, love and hope in His presence. Satan on the other hand wants us to stay and sink in our hurts so that we have no room to let in those truths of God he wants to whisper in our lives. Satan wants to keep us stuck so we can’t draw closer to God or be a reflection of Him to others. Satan does not want us to see how our battles can become blessings.

But if we need to sit in or reflect on our pain, lay it at the feet of Jesus so He can sit in it with us and give us hope in the midst.

One of the blessings that came out of the loss of our dad was some of the most intimate times with Christ that we have ever had. Expressing to and talking with God through journaling was an amazing outlet for me (Beth) to let thoughts and feelings out. Music has been another outlet for us. Whether listening to worship music and soaking in its encouragement and hope, or (for Hannah) writing music to express her heart. When we find outlets that help express our feelings, God can use them in amazing ways to not only encourage ourselves but others as well.

I remember well the night my husband gently shared that he thought it would be very beneficial and really vital for me to go see a counselor. I wept and thought my life and marriage was over😨😁. At the time I had a skewed view of what mental state you have to be in to go to counseling😁. Now that view has completely changed to believing that counseling is for anyone and everyone. It is incredibly helpful to have a listening ear on the outside who can give you tools to help you process what's going on inside. Similar to having a mentor (an older-than-you person who you trust who can listen, encourage and challenge you). Both a counselor and a mentor can help you come out of a fog of unprocessed pain, and help you with direction for moving forward. I highly recommend both at some point in your life. The Lord has graciously combined the right people and the right timing with mentors and counselors to impact me greatly in my journey and healing process.

Let us not forget that we live in a sinful, fallen world that is dying. Hardships and struggles and hurts will continue to become more frequent. We are broken people living in this world experiencing those hurts. And with that comes pain, sometimes, lots of it. We must recognize it as such and know that it's okay to feel that pain. But in the pain we keep our focus upward to Christ. And what can bring us strength for today to press on? To know that alongside the pain can be the bright Hope of tomorrow in Heaven.
 

To wrap this up with helpful takeaways:

Express your pain to God (sharing your heart with Him through journaling and prayer.

Express your pain through healthy outlets you enjoy (writing, journaling, music, art, etc.)

Express your pain to others who can decipher, encourage and challenge you (counselor, mentor)
 

The song below so perfectly encapsulates this post. If you have a moment, go listen to this song and let the words soak in, encourage you, and bring you hope.
 

"Come As You Are" By David Crowder

Come out of sadness
From wherever you've been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

Chorus:
So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You're not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are

There's hope for the hopeless
And all those who've strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There's rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't cure (back to chorus)

-Beth

Hope In The Darkness Introduction

PLEASE WATCH VIDEO ABOVE

"When life doesn't go as planned"

Even when you imagine the worst things happening in your life, nothing can prepare you for when they actually do. I will never forget the night our family found out that my Dad had pancreatic cancer (at the time one of the most aggressive forms), and was given 3-6 months to live. How quickly other things fade and seem so meaningless when in an instant your life changes forever from tragic news. Especially when it comes as such a shock.

Our Dad, Dan, was a fun, goofy, loving man. He was active and seemingly healthy. He was married to his high school sweetheart, father to 5 kids, 2nd father to many, youth pastor, faithful friend and well-loved. Most importantly he loved Jesus and was impacting lives, helping others fall in love with and know Christ more deeply.In our minds he was the perfect candidate to live a long life. But when we realized our plans for his life were not God’s plans, it was devastating to let that sink in at first.

I (Beth) remember waking up the next morning begging God that it all be just a horrible nightmare. But the pit in my stomach reminded me that it was reality. My young and vibrant earthly father was about to be taken home by my loving Heavenly Father and my emotions were conflicted.

Our dad passed away less than 6 months after diagnosis. It was a very long and very short time of watching someone you dearly love fade away. There were many hard moments and tears mixed with laughter, sweet gifts from the Lord, and so many stories and details it could fill a book. But what the Lord began stirring in our hearts during that time is what we most desire for others to be encouraged by as well. And that is the assurance of the Hope we can have in Christ!

So often when we face hardships, struggles, addictions etc., we ask God a lot of why questions. Why did this happen? Why did that person die? Why am I still struggling with this addiction or struggling with... (fill in the blank)?

And sometimes we try really hard to find an answer.

But most often we will never have an answer to the "why" while on this earth. Sometimes we forget that we live in a sinful, fallen, dying world, and that it's only by God's Grace that we can have life beyond our life on earth. God never promised us a “blessed” life now on earth (even when we think we're doing everything "right"). BUT He does promise us the blessing of eternity with Him when we believe and trust in Him. He carries us through every step of our darkness.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.’ The Lord is good to those whose HOPE is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:19-26 sustained our family through many dark times)

Throughout my Dad's fight with cancer the Lord began whispering the word Hope to our family through verses, music, devotionals. At first it was a Hope in God that he could heal my dad, add more years to his life, protect our family from loss... But then slowly it became something much deeper than that - that even if there was no healing, that it would be okay.

Because God started reminding us that though He can heal or provide or give relief on this earth, it is not eternal. And that our true Hope is grounded in our Hope of Heaven where there will be no pain, death, or struggles. Revelation 21:5 says He who was seated on the throne (God) said "I am making everything new!!...these words are trustworthy and true". Not only will all be new again one day, but we will get to be with the very One who made us new!!

Our desire for this series is to help others cling to the truth that our only Hope and relief from the pain and darkness in this life rests in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And because of that, we can have the Hope of Heaven where one day all things will be made new.

-Beth