Not This June

WAIT
Before you read this post, please listen to the song before I explain where it came from. It is raw, it is unfinished, it is real, each track is one-take, so turn your headphones up (the track might be quiet) and hopefully you enjoy this humble offering.

Hey y'all, Hannah here again.
I previously wrote a post called "Why Music?" and if you have not read that yet, please do, it explains a bit more of my heart behind music and why I personally create it. Here's the link, http://www.allthingsnewsisters.com/blog/2016/4/27/why-music

Here on All Things New we've been diving into pain, loss, grief, depression, and really just the trials of life and we've done that through the mediums of video and text/print but today we are going to continue on that journey with a different medium, music. For those of you who read my earlier post about music, you know that music is my therapy, my sanity, a guide that helps me hold onto hope, and helps me experience life in a more fulfilling way. When I write music I pull from experiences others have been through, I've been through, or prayers that turn into songs, or occasionally experiences directly from my imagination. That's what music is, an expression, a movement, an outcry of people who usually have few other ways of being able to communicate effectively or openly. This song I'm sharing with y'all today is no exception, it comes from a place of experience and sympathy. 

"Not This June" is an original that I (Hannah Porter) wrote in bits and pieces over the past few months as I have been dealing with new loss, old loss from over a decade ago, as well as watching grieving friends and family be hurt or frustrated with 'well-intentioned' but non-understanding comments and actions. In today's society, most everything is fast-paced and immediate and we expect everything around us to also be at the same pace. Oftentimes this bleeds into how we judge our own journey of healing as well as how we view others' paths of healing. We give them a handful of months to mourn and then we expect them to have moved on, because, after all, our lives have, so shouldn't theirs? Often this is unintentional but our own initial reaction rather than letting it be okay to not be 'there' (healed) yet. Think about it from the other perspective, maybe they just lost someone very close to or dear to them, or maybe they've been going through really hard situations, the cards of encouragement and meals were great for the first 3 weeks...then they started to taper off over the next 3 months and then stopped altogether. Their life just completely shifted, whatever happened to them means there is no "back to normal", it's only a different kind of life and 'normal' from here on out and they can't move forward from that in a year, let alone 3 months. 

The title comes from the reality that June and July, in particular, are pretty rough months for loss and anniversaries for myself and also for my family. I hope this song can encourage you where you're at, whatever you've been through or are going through. If you're anything like me, sometimes music helps me feel emotions I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to feel on my own. May this also encourage you to have your eyes open to those around you who may be dealing with hard situations and how you, I, and we can represent hope and more importantly, be the living proof of a loving God to them, right where they are at. This song is not the end, it represents one leg of the journey on dealing with pain, loss, hurt, etc. We cannot stay in this space, but we cannot and should not ignore it either. We cannot tell others how they should grieve or when they should be done, but we can be there, we can listen, we can help bring hope for the future.
Please listen to the song again with this post in mind.

-Hannah

Hope In The Darkness (Part 2)

Hope in the Darkness
(Part 2)

“Healing the wound that leaves a scar”

“it's okay for you to be angry with God”. These were words whispered in my ear by a sweet older woman after our dad’s memorial service. To be honest, the only thing I was thinking in that moment was frustration toward her for suggesting how I could feel. Though she was genuinely trying to offer a lifeline, her timing was not the best, to say the least. However, looking back now I can pull out a much deeper meaning  behind her words.

Whether it's coming out of a tragedy, a painful situation, an addiction etc., year two seems to be the magic number when the weight of your pain sinks in. Year one is survival mode, trying to adjust to life right and left, or you're living on a “high” of constant support and encouragement from friends and family. Year two, however, is when everyone else moves on around you and assumes you have done the same. There is a new normal for you to get used to, and it can feel isolating and lonely as you watch life around you speed by while you feel stuck at a standstill, in the middle of a void.

If you have ever had a deep physical wound you realize that part of how well you heal determines how much of a scar remains behind. It looks different for everyone based on how deep their wound was, how their personal body reacts, and the time it takes to heal. The end result is a scar that tells a story of a moment in life, but it's not their whole story. This plays out in a similar way with scars that come from emotional wounds. How we process (or often times don't process them) affects how well we heal.

Everyone processes their emotions differently, and being a part of 5 siblings this definitely rang true for my family. So often we place everyone in the same place or time frame in their road to healing. This often leads to trying to cover up or ignore the pain because you feel like you're supposed to be over it. Or because of that emotional high we talked about earlier, which makes you think you have dealt with the pain, when really it has just been numbed for a time.  

I did not directly experience anger with God about losing my dad, but I know that some of my siblings did wrestle with this in their process to heal (remember everyone is different). For me, though, I wrestled more with frustration, asking God a lot of “why” questions, and a battle with fear and depression.

I started to realize years later that I needed to recognize and express the pain and feelings I was holding in, or I could not heal well.

Expressing our pain is vital on the path to healing. But we don't always do it well or in a healthy way. In the paragraphs to follow, we talk about a few of the helpful ways that we have experienced/are experiencing healing over the years.

You may have heard the phrase “time will heal your wounds.” While it's true that time (length is different for all) lessens the degree of pain you may continue to feel at any random time, it does not, however, take away the scar that remains. The scar will forever (and often times when you least expect it), remind you of a wound you once received.  But though that scar is part of you and tells the story of a wound, it does not need to define your life.

And yet it so easily can consume and define us or become an excuse for later struggles if we don't process our hurt in the midst so that we can begin to heal.

It's healthy and helpful to express all of our feelings to God. He wants to hear the good, bad and ugly of them (He can handle it all), because He truly does know and understand what's going on inside of us and our need to express it so we don't get stuck there. He wants us to come to Him so we can experience freedom, love and hope in His presence. Satan on the other hand wants us to stay and sink in our hurts so that we have no room to let in those truths of God he wants to whisper in our lives. Satan wants to keep us stuck so we can’t draw closer to God or be a reflection of Him to others. Satan does not want us to see how our battles can become blessings.

But if we need to sit in or reflect on our pain, lay it at the feet of Jesus so He can sit in it with us and give us hope in the midst.

One of the blessings that came out of the loss of our dad was some of the most intimate times with Christ that we have ever had. Expressing to and talking with God through journaling was an amazing outlet for me (Beth) to let thoughts and feelings out. Music has been another outlet for us. Whether listening to worship music and soaking in its encouragement and hope, or (for Hannah) writing music to express her heart. When we find outlets that help express our feelings, God can use them in amazing ways to not only encourage ourselves but others as well.

I remember well the night my husband gently shared that he thought it would be very beneficial and really vital for me to go see a counselor. I wept and thought my life and marriage was over😨😁. At the time I had a skewed view of what mental state you have to be in to go to counseling😁. Now that view has completely changed to believing that counseling is for anyone and everyone. It is incredibly helpful to have a listening ear on the outside who can give you tools to help you process what's going on inside. Similar to having a mentor (an older-than-you person who you trust who can listen, encourage and challenge you). Both a counselor and a mentor can help you come out of a fog of unprocessed pain, and help you with direction for moving forward. I highly recommend both at some point in your life. The Lord has graciously combined the right people and the right timing with mentors and counselors to impact me greatly in my journey and healing process.

Let us not forget that we live in a sinful, fallen world that is dying. Hardships and struggles and hurts will continue to become more frequent. We are broken people living in this world experiencing those hurts. And with that comes pain, sometimes, lots of it. We must recognize it as such and know that it's okay to feel that pain. But in the pain we keep our focus upward to Christ. And what can bring us strength for today to press on? To know that alongside the pain can be the bright Hope of tomorrow in Heaven.
 

To wrap this up with helpful takeaways:

Express your pain to God (sharing your heart with Him through journaling and prayer.

Express your pain through healthy outlets you enjoy (writing, journaling, music, art, etc.)

Express your pain to others who can decipher, encourage and challenge you (counselor, mentor)
 

The song below so perfectly encapsulates this post. If you have a moment, go listen to this song and let the words soak in, encourage you, and bring you hope.
 

"Come As You Are" By David Crowder

Come out of sadness
From wherever you've been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

Chorus:
So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You're not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are

There's hope for the hopeless
And all those who've strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There's rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't cure (back to chorus)

-Beth

Hope In The Darkness Introduction

PLEASE WATCH VIDEO ABOVE

"When life doesn't go as planned"

Even when you imagine the worst things happening in your life, nothing can prepare you for when they actually do. I will never forget the night our family found out that my Dad had pancreatic cancer (at the time one of the most aggressive forms), and was given 3-6 months to live. How quickly other things fade and seem so meaningless when in an instant your life changes forever from tragic news. Especially when it comes as such a shock.

Our Dad, Dan, was a fun, goofy, loving man. He was active and seemingly healthy. He was married to his high school sweetheart, father to 5 kids, 2nd father to many, youth pastor, faithful friend and well-loved. Most importantly he loved Jesus and was impacting lives, helping others fall in love with and know Christ more deeply.In our minds he was the perfect candidate to live a long life. But when we realized our plans for his life were not God’s plans, it was devastating to let that sink in at first.

I (Beth) remember waking up the next morning begging God that it all be just a horrible nightmare. But the pit in my stomach reminded me that it was reality. My young and vibrant earthly father was about to be taken home by my loving Heavenly Father and my emotions were conflicted.

Our dad passed away less than 6 months after diagnosis. It was a very long and very short time of watching someone you dearly love fade away. There were many hard moments and tears mixed with laughter, sweet gifts from the Lord, and so many stories and details it could fill a book. But what the Lord began stirring in our hearts during that time is what we most desire for others to be encouraged by as well. And that is the assurance of the Hope we can have in Christ!

So often when we face hardships, struggles, addictions etc., we ask God a lot of why questions. Why did this happen? Why did that person die? Why am I still struggling with this addiction or struggling with... (fill in the blank)?

And sometimes we try really hard to find an answer.

But most often we will never have an answer to the "why" while on this earth. Sometimes we forget that we live in a sinful, fallen, dying world, and that it's only by God's Grace that we can have life beyond our life on earth. God never promised us a “blessed” life now on earth (even when we think we're doing everything "right"). BUT He does promise us the blessing of eternity with Him when we believe and trust in Him. He carries us through every step of our darkness.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.’ The Lord is good to those whose HOPE is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:19-26 sustained our family through many dark times)

Throughout my Dad's fight with cancer the Lord began whispering the word Hope to our family through verses, music, devotionals. At first it was a Hope in God that he could heal my dad, add more years to his life, protect our family from loss... But then slowly it became something much deeper than that - that even if there was no healing, that it would be okay.

Because God started reminding us that though He can heal or provide or give relief on this earth, it is not eternal. And that our true Hope is grounded in our Hope of Heaven where there will be no pain, death, or struggles. Revelation 21:5 says He who was seated on the throne (God) said "I am making everything new!!...these words are trustworthy and true". Not only will all be new again one day, but we will get to be with the very One who made us new!!

Our desire for this series is to help others cling to the truth that our only Hope and relief from the pain and darkness in this life rests in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. And because of that, we can have the Hope of Heaven where one day all things will be made new.

-Beth