Some of you may have seen in person or on social media that I now have two simple wrist tattoos. I said at some point I’d share the story/meanings behind them, and well, here we are.
You may be wondering why? (don’t worry, so was my mother for the longest time).
Well, it started when I was a young girl, truly.
You see, when my dad was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and given months to live, along the whole journey my family held onto hope. It was our mantra, our battle cry, our reassurance, our phrase, our word, our whispered plea, and sometimes angered/confused shout. Hope in Christ for today, tomorrow, and eternity is what we desperately held onto, and often along the journey it felt like we were trying to grip sand in our fists only to find it slipping through our fingers. As time progressed and my dad’s body continued to break down and people all across the globe cried out to God on his behalf, something changed in our family, we had a knowing melancholy, but a growing confidence. What I mean by that is, I think we knew...in our heart of hearts we saw the proverbial writing on the wall that my dad wasn’t going to be physically around very much longer. It wasn’t that we lost faith or confidence in God and His healing power, in fact, it was quite the opposite, but our perspective and our hope shifted, then our trust in God flourished. Because we started focusing on that ‘eternity’ piece in what we believed of hope, we embraced the truth that my dad would be healed, whether here on earth or the other side of heaven, but he would be healed, no doubts. That didn’t make things magically better, we lost my dad to cancer just 6 short months after his terminal diagnosis, our lives were completely upended, a handful of us in my family (myself included) have suffered from ongoing depression and well, life is hard - so, believing in, striving towards, and even tattooing ‘Hope’ didn’t make everything better, but it does help make it worth it. I firmly believe that even a sliver of hope can help someone conquer the greatest foes and live through the darkest days. Hope is a powerful force that cannot be vanquished, even when we lose sight of it.
Now, what about the other one?
Yes, there is another one and it’s in latin: ‘Coram Deo’ which means ‘In the Presence of God’ or ‘God Sees’. This has been my personal mantra since I was in jr. high. I don’t know where I read it or how I came to know what it meant but ask any who knew me back in jr. high knew I wrote it on EVERYTHING. Being ‘in the presence of God always’ is an equally humbling, terrifying, awe inspiring, and comforting thought, for me it was something that was unchanging and always there. It was a safe space in a time in my life when I felt so especially alone and that has carried through the years. When life changes, dreams are lost, and people leave, God, His Throne room, and His presence are always there. To me, it means being at His feet always, being in a space I absolutely and without question do not deserve to be able to even think about, yet He lets me come, yet He lets me linger, yet He lets me stay. It’s unknown yet good, for in the words of Mr. Beaver talking about Aslan (a literary representation of God in a children’s series) from C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia:
““Safe?” said Mr Beaver...”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.””
So truly, WHY get ink permanently stabbed into my body? :)
I can look at them at all times and have the reminders of what they represent. Besides the meaning, the most important part of these for me is the font. Hope is a mix of my dad’s handwriting and mine and Coram Deo is a mix of my mom’s handwriting and mine. Sometimes when people are on the other side of heaven, over the years memories of traits of who they are start to fade in our minds, handwriting can be one of those. That’s why it was so important to include my dad’s handwriting to never lose the memory of it again. My mom and my dad both have always been the most influential people in my life and to have not only their handwriting on me, but words that represent the foundational truths they helped guide me towards and learn to love is so incredibly special to me.
Tattoos aren’t for everyone, but these are special for me.
-Hannah